Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Tears and Triumphs

This having pre-teen girls is hard!
I love being groomed and nicely dressed so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my twins are similar.
I don't wear much make up,even when I go out,but I am pretty fussy with skin care and I do wear mascara when ever I am having visitors.
Misses Z&E are desperate to wear make up. Their friends do,gaudy,tarty muck-I just can't bear it. I am struggling with this as they are so lovely they don't need it.
However,whenever we go near a chemist,they make a beeline for the cosmetics.
So today,after their dentist appointments,I went into a pharmacy with them and told them if they asked themselves,they could ask the young woman at the makeup counter for some tips.
I explained that they had to be twelve before they would be allowed to wear it,but asking a few questions would not hurt.
The twins were so excited,but a little embarrassed,not Miss L,up she goes to the assistant,''My sisters would like to ask you some questions but they are too shy''!
The lovely young shop girl was delightful,she chatted to the girls and showed them some pretty neutral colours and explained that natural was so much better then bright shades.
After spending 20 minutes or so with them she took their names and our number and said to come back when they turn 12(September) and she would show them how to use eye make up sparingly,to get a nice,natural look.
Finally,she sent them off with a tiny sample of tinted sunblock to try for themselves.
Their feet did not touch the ground all the way back to the car!

''Too young''! you may say, I know and agree,but it was about this age I drifted away from my own mother and I don't want that with mine.
I am doing my best!
But this having pre-teen girls is so hard


  1. I have a 13 yr old so I know what you're going through! You do have to give in a little and I think taking them to the shop was a brilliant idea! I'm sure they felt quite grown up...

  2. As mine is only 2 I don't have any motherly advice, but I can say that my own mother and I were at the point of killing each other when I was a preteen. Now we are the best of friends so I guess this too shall pass! :)

  3. Almost every girl I know wears (or doesn't wear) makeup pretty much as her mother did. I probably wear more than mine for parties and such, and I certainly *buy* quite a lot of it, but day-to-day, rarely anything. Don't worry, Nicole -- they will go through phases of trying out different looks, but in the long run, they will remember how lovely their mother looked with just a touch and that will be their image of beauty. Taking them in to get advice from a 'professional' is fantastic -- her words will have more weight and authority than even their classmates.

  4. Sounds like you are guiding them through their transition to teendom just perfectly. Tough stuff to navigate. Good Mommy!

  5. Handled beautifully, Nicole! And kudos to the shop assistant for being sensitive (and entirely appropriate!). I hope that when I get to the same stage with M that I'm as fortunate.

  6. Can't say it enough Nicole - you are a wonder!

  7. I think you did this perfectly! So much better to take them in yourself than for them to borrow make-up from a friend and look horrible. (Or get an eye infection!) I'm so glad the gal at the make-up counter pushed for the natural look. That's just great.

  8. Thank you so much everyone,I do appreciate the support!
    Heather do you let your 13 year old wear make up?,is she interested in that sort of thing? It seems so young to me,but I guess I was working and had left home at 15.

    Thank you Camille,toddler tantrums were a doddle compared with this! I didn't fight with my mother,its a respectful relationship,but we are not close. I really envy you that!

    Sarvi,you say the nicest things,if you lived next door I could give up wine!
    I did wonder in this circumstance if a professional may carry more weight? I had been checking out chemists for a little while now looking for the right girl,not too old or too flashy,and we found the perfect one!

    Thank you Jan,babies were easy compared to this! Pre-empting situations seems to be the best tactic and being very careful with those fragile feelings.

    I was so lucky to find her Susanne and she handled the situation perfectly!
    It is exciting my girls are growing up!

    Thankyou Justine!

    Oh Sandi,I hadnt thought of that -yuck! I have never been a ''share my make up'' girl.
    Thankyou!(hope you are feeling better)

  9. Nicole, you're making me nervous with your 'toddler tantrums were a doddle compared with this'! I am living with a 'threenager' and telling myself this must surely be the hardest part of parenting. please don't burst my bubble!

  10. Oh,but Claire I am not pregnant with a three year old and a toddler and working!
    Three year olds forgive very easily, twelve year olds-not so quick,if we do stuff up!

  11. As always Nicole, you seem to handle these situations so well. Our family is not one to give into peer pressure, but I do know that the pre-teen stage is an especially delicate one....I wonder if I will handle it so well....we make decisions all the time that our kids don't necessarily agree with, My mother made some bad decisions that I hold against her....I always worry that I'll do the same.
    Sorry...didn't mean to get so serious!
    You're a marvel! My 8yr old daughter "hates" make-up...long may it last!

  12. Terrifically handled! Your children really are so beautiful and do not need make up! But, I can understand the need to do what everyone else does. I so fear those days that will come...

  13. My mom brought me to the same kind of cosmetic lady when I came home from school in tears because someone had asked if I had been attacked by crayons that day, after I had spent my babysitting money on my own makeup. I think an ounce of prevention is very worthwhile in this case.

  14. I am with you Millie,I will quite happily put my foot down and that is the end of the matter! But this didn't really fall into that category ...
    I can remember some not so pleasant moments with my mother,the fact that I clearly remember them suggests they were quite devastating at the time.
    Thank you as always for your support and definitely put off that make up!(but Miss E said exactly the same thing)!

    They will Mel,but do your best and do it with love,thats all we can do!
    Roots and Wings!

    Good point Johanna,avert the situation! Thank you!

  15. Hi! So, I wear no makeup and my daughter is 20 now and is a makeup expert. My philosophy when she was younger was to pretty much let her do as she pleased with hair and makeup. My reasoning behind this was that there were so many other issues that meant more to me (such as staying out late, beer, and boys) that I didn't want her to get confused about what was really important. Somedays I would look at her and think "Really?" but just let it go. So when I did say something about what I felt were the "real" issues, she paid more attention. (Also teenage girls perceive almost any comment from mom as a criticism, even if none was meant. Not saying anything has been the hardest thing for me to learn as a parent.) I'm happy to say my daughter has grown up awesome. Although for some reason she likes to make her eyebrows really big. Freaks me out every time.

  16. Thanks Adelaide,it is so nice to hear from someone who has been there!
    Drink driving is a huge issue in the country and I must admit the thought of them getting in a car with an intoxicated driver worries me more than a bit of muck on their faces.

    I have naturally bushy eyebrows,I kid myself I look like Brooke Shields,please don't burst my bubble!

    X N

  17. I think it is a matter of picking your battles and concentrating on what is important. If everything is treated the same, then they lose the ability to determine the difference between stupid and dangerous. My daughter knew that if I put my foot down, I really meant it. (She also knew that I would pick her up anywhere, anytime, questions unasked, rather than have her get in the car with a drunk friend, because the first time she called me, I came. Now she is everybody's designated driver.)

    I also have bushy eyebrows. (And use the same Brooke Shields argument.) She paints hers in REALLY big. It is the only thing I am allowed to tease her about because even she realizes that they are HUGE!